He promised you the world, then left you alone in it. There are times when you just have to let bad things slide; after all, bad things come all the time. However, when it involves two-timing ex boyfriends or no-show exes who do more than stand you up for dinner, then the thought of revenge becomes more than just a wishful desire.
1. Oh Daddy You’ve Been Naughty!
Sleeping with his ex boyfrends brother
Nothing will surely hurt your ex more than seducing and sleeping with his father or brother. Of course, the consequence might be unbearable afterwards. You will have to deal with being called a slut, whore, floozy and all those other words that connote a very sinful woman. By ready though, for if you do this, you will become the modern Mary Magdalene in front of your ex’s eyes and his family. If you’re really not into his next of kin, then there’s always the best friend to go after and seduce.
2. Break up sex—NOT!
His punishment
What guy could resist the allure of a proposal to have break-up sex? For him, the proposal spells fun, kinky sex with no attachments whatsoever; more, he’d think that such a proposal means that everything is cool despite the break-up.Promise him that you’ll don your sexiest lingerie, that you’ll bring a bottle of champagne and that you’ll give him a night of unforgettable bliss. Just be sure that you bring your handcuffs and your cold heart with you—it wouldn’t be a good idea to back out from the plan on the last minute.
You can’t carry out this plan in your apartment; it has to be in a motel or hotel, where he’ll surely get embarrassed. The plan’s simple: As soon as you get him naked, ask him to wear a pair of leather thongs. Handcuff him to the bed and that’s it—you leave him there to scream for help.
You could also take pictures of him and use it for blackmailing purposes, such as if he squeals, then you’ll reveal the pictures to his new girlfriend or to his family. Tell him that he won’t be stuck there forever since you’ll be asking room service to help him get out of bed the morning after.
3. Make him pay.
Just finished shopping
It doesn’t matter if your ex love was a cheapo or not, what’s important is that he wasn’t the man he presented himself to be. Making him pay, literally, is the best revenge if your ex was a philandering jackass or cheapskate who always wanted to be desirable in front of women.What’s more desirable than a man is what’s in his wallet—his credit card. If you live in the United States, you could apply for a pre-approved credit card for him. You simply sign his name and his details and mail it back to the credit card company.
Once you receive the credit card, it’s time to shop away! He’ll be surprised to be called by the credit card company asking him to pay up.
4. Time for a makeover.
Scratching in pain
You’ve always been the perfect girlfriend, at least when it came to appearance and personal hygiene. You’d wax, trim and shave for him and always dress up properly for any occasion. Did he even know how painful a Brazilian wax was? If he did, but still let you go through it each time it started getting bushy down there, then it’s time to give him one yourself.Of course, this plan would require some scheming, seducing and drugging. Okay, the drugs may seem a little off hand so you could opt for booze to do the job instead. Simply offer him break-up sex, then drug or intoxicate him and tie him to his bed. While he’s asleep, shave off his eyebrows and all his pubes down there and everywhere. Now he’s not just a spineless bastard but a hairless one as well.
5. Kiss and tell.
Telling nasty things about his Ex
If you’re really bent on destroying your ex boyfriend’s life, then go public! You don’t have to air your hate for him on the TV or radio. With today’s technology, you simply have to create a blog and publish all his dirty secrets there.Take Brian Gorell, for example, who published a hate blog against his ex boyfriend, Filipino socialite, DJ Montano. Brian didn’t do this out of mere spite, but to ask DJ, who owed him thousands of dollars, to pay up.
Another alternative is to set up a Multiply account or blog using your ex’s name and dish everyone he ever hated. You’ll be doing everyone a favor including your ex. With that blog, your ex no longer has tobackstab the people he hates, and the people featured in his blog will finally find out what an ass he really is.
6. Kill him. . . Sort of
He is pissed of whats in the news
You can’t literally kill him, since that’d be murder. However, there’s another way you could obliterate your ex from the world of men, and all it takes is a published ad in the newspaper.Write an obituary and make sure everyone knows about it. Sure, they’ll call him up to confirm and think that everything’s a joke. Yet, your ex won’t find this prank funny at all. All those phone calls confirming his death will not only be time consuming but irritating as well. If you plan to do this, be ready to be labeled a crazy obsessed ex-girlfriend who needs meds and sessions with a psychiatrist.
7. Role Play.
Calling his new girlfriend for an advice
If your ex-flame already has a new lover in his life, who happens to be the girl he was sleeping with while he was on the phone showering you with i-love-yous, then it’s time to spread the hate. This plan will only work if your ex-boyfriend or his new girlfriend is still in high school or college.If his girlfriend is still in high school or college, you should call his girlfriend’s parents disguised as a counselor and talk to them about planned parenthood options. Make sure you make a reference to an abortion and say stuff like, "you don’t have to get one just because he won’t support it."
If your ex-boyfriend’s still in high school or college you could do the same, except you tell his parents that their son doesn’t have to support the child if they have the baby adopted. You could also tell their parents to lecture their children about safe sex and the perils of an early pregnancy or marriage.
Surely, any parent will flip out of their wits if they find out an unwanted pregnancy occurred. Too bad, though, that you won’t be able to see the reaction on your ex-boyfriend’s face when his parents or girlfriend confront him about the issue.
8. Make technology your new best friend.
Watching the naked video with her friends
The Internet has a lot of uses. Earlier, we mentioned about creating a blog or any online account that you could use to disseminate his dirty little secrets. Another option is to use the Internet to taint his image forever. You could create a youtube account using his information and upload nasty tranny and other pornographic videos under that account.Next, invite his friends to view his account. His friends will be surprised that your ex is into kinky stuff they didn’t even know existed. The best thing about using the Internet as a weapon is that your ex wouldn’t know that you created the account on his behalf, unless you’re sloppy enough to leave a trail of evidence leading to you.
9. Dump his stuff like he dumped you.
Throwing out these stuff
It may seem a bit immature but throwing his stuff away or having it auctioned or sold for the good of charity is a great way to piss off your ex. Include everything he gave you, yes, even that necklace you love so much, and throw it into the pile of “unwanted” stuff.If you plan to sell all his stuff or have it auctioned, be sure to invite him to your event. He’ll be stunned to see that most of his stuff is on sale or up for auction. If he says you can’t sell or auction them, tell him that leaving his things behind made them yours.
10. Make him regret it.
A sad man in his car
There are many ways to get revenge on your ex, but the best way is to make him regret that he dumped you or that wasn’t good to you—good enough, that is! Make him feel inadequate by going to the gym and shaping up.You could also learn a new language or take up a new hobby to keep you busy. Point is, the next time you and your ex bump into each other, you should look and feel better than him. You could make him want you back and be the one to do the dumping this time around. Better still, you could date someone new and flaunt him to your ex the next time you both get invited to the same event.
By picking one of these ways, you’ll surely not be just another faded memory in your ex’s life. Instead, you’ll be that (insert debasing word for a female here) that stepped on his ego to leave a lasting imprint.
